I think I'm in trouble... My moodyness of last night might have created today's unhappiness... Cin is not returning my messages. shit...

I don't know what it is but sometimes, after an intense period, when I go back to my regular life, I just feel damn bored.

Supposed to do some testing at work and - just my luck !!! - there is some stupid server migration going on the development servers, so I can't do a damn thing... how to be productive like this ???

Sigh... At least Cin is still talking to me from afar. She really is great and sometimes I wish I could just give her so much more. I must have been hurt or hurt myself a lot more than I know... In fact, I even feel a bit numb at times. Ah hell, I am just freakin bored and ridiculously frustrated.

Having a lovers quarrel is never nice... It feels awful, and depending on how sutbborn you are, one can make it much worse that it really is.
Just so happens not only I am stubborn I am also mentally retarded... Without intent I ended up hurting Cin, therefore hurting myself.

However, even a lovers quarrel has an upside : making up !

WOW...
WOW...
WOOOWWWW...

As I am typing this my eyelids feel like they weigh a tonne, and my 21' screen looks like a double IMAX screen. Just poured my first black, whole-burning coffee of the day, and let's see hoe long I can last before I give in to the temptation of going on afternoon leave.

Sol, have you ever noticed how sometimes you just talk too much ?

You f##%*&g idiot...

Another day of tiny electric shocks... After yesterday's major jolt, today is almost feeling normal. Of course, the fact that I removed all that tension I had yesterday is helping... I think Cin is also feeling better now, we sorta helped each other.

This is being tooo nice... Sometimes I think I will wake up and find out this is all gone.
On the subject of dreams, I have been so tired that sometimes when talking to Cin I would fall asleep and them mumble some work stuff out, but like totally natural !!! And it's not that I am bored, I am the one talking !... Gosh, I was so embarrassed. And it happened twice !!! Thang goodness, Cin is the Queen of Cool so she just stared at me with a cute little smile and frowning she asked "What the hell are you talking about ???"... sigh... even then she was so sweet.

Well, time to focus on work... or at least try ! Always plenty to do...

Valentine's Day lightning strike
On 14 Feb 2004, a lightning struck me. Like a typical lightning strike, it hit me out of nowhere, for no apparent reason... and I'm still in shock 3 days later.

MY GOD, I FEEL SO IN LOVE !!!

I have not felt like this in so long I had forgotten the meaning of weak knees and a pounding heart !

I feel so alive and so lost at the same time, I just dont know what to do ! I am simply going insane !

And all of this just because of my Original Cin ! Oh Cin, what have you done to me ? Better yet, what are you going to do to me ? Where in the world did you come from and how did you hit me so hard ?
I have no thoughts of myself since we got together and am trembling after realising that !
It's funny how when you decide that you definitely dont want to fall in love, the heavens just throw the biggest jolt that they can muster ! It's unbelievable !

If I think too much about this as I am writing I can feel my eyes swelling from happy frustration that she is in my life but not with me as I type...

I pray for help, please ! Help to keep under control and not give away my life, my heart and my soul to someone that I have only just met...